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Trust your instinct about where and what isn't safe. It definitely affects people negatively. For a top who is HIV-positive, maintaining an undetectable viral load through consistent use of antiretroviral medication and consistent medical care is the best method of protecting himself from transmitting the virus. That model raises money but it seldom changes much. Lube is essential when topping. As a bottom, you can negotiate condom use, but your partner is the one who wears the rubber. You can also get home testing kits by post.

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The Gay Man's Good Sex Guide

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I first came out as trans aged eight. There is nothing inevitable about premature male death. Buy the Booklet The Man Manual - men's health made easy in print. This may make your erection less hard than usual. What gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men need to know about sexually transmitted diseases. This is as much about the emotional as the physical side. Nick Arnold 6 March

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